The Dog and Pony Show #54
by KaitlynRose
Summary: Bridger takes the crew and Lucas to the dinner sponsored by the UEO summit. It's a decision he lives to regret.


I do not own seaQuest or its characters.   I am not profiting from this story.  It is for entertainment purposes only.

The Dog and Pony Show 

By:  Kaitlyn Rose

Nathan watched Kristin and Lucas banter back and forth, trying hard not to laugh as Kristin mother hened Lucas to death.  He knew that the two had had a great day though.  They had gone to the movies earlier and shopping at the mall, while he was touring the new ocean research facility not to far from Norfolk, making sure to smile for the reporters as they photographed him and Bill, along with a new international team of scientists who would be working there.  Boring didn't even begin to describe how his day had been, and tonight wasn't going to be any better.

"Lucas I think this tie looks better with your blue suit," Kristin said handing it to him.  Lucas quickly threw the tie around his neck and began tying it.

"I'll wear the tie but do I have to wear the jacket?" Lucas complained.  "They just make you all hot and sweaty, and then you're stuck carrying the thing around all night."

"I'm sure they'll have a coat check it you need to take it off," Kristin admonished.  "Oh come here, your tie is crooked."

"Mom!" Lucas exclaimed.  He glared at his Dad when he heard him snickering.

"Lucas it won't be as bad as you think.  Ben and Tim and the rest of the guys will be there too," Nathan informed. 

"Yeah, but they'll be sitting at a different table while I'm stuck at yours with Secretary Noyce and General Thomas, and a bunch of other old people."

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't call me old," Kristin declared.  "Remember, I'm going to be sitting at your father's table too."

"You know what I mean," Lucas sighed.

"I tell you what," Nathan said, "how about I let you sit at the crew's table.  Is that better?"

"Cool," Lucas said.

"But try and be on your best behavior," Nathan warned.  "I don't want you and Ben up to your old tricks.  No pranks, no drinking, and no making a scene!"

"Now I'll definitely have a boring night," Lucas insisted.  He went to his room to play on his computer till time to leave.

"Are you sure it's wise to let him and Ben sit together tonight?" Kristin asked with a grin.  "I mean, no pranks, no drinking, no making a scene!  Do you really think those two can actually follow those rules all night long?  Sounds to me like you're asking for trouble."

"Ford will be sitting at their table.  He'll keep them in line," Nathan replied.

___________________

"Come on Ben," Lucas begged.  "Just get me one.  Get a rum and coke.  No one will know that it's not just pop."

"Absolutely not," Ben replied in a stern whisper.  "Listen kid, if you get sick or drunk Kristin will stick me in med bay for a week and make sure that I get daily proctological exams."

"I won't get sick or drunk from just one drink," Lucas said.  "I had two at Dad's bachelor party and I was just fine.  I didn't even get tipsy!"

"What are you two whispering about over there?" Ford asked.  He saw the looks on their faces and he knew it was definitely not good.

"Nothin," both Lucas and Ben said, getting a laugh from Tim, Miguel, and Katie.

"Now who's that speaking at the podium?" Katie asked.

"Don't know," Tim replied.

"Don't care," Miguel continued.

"You guys aren't exactly setting a good example for Lucas," Jonathon pointed out.

"Sorry Commander, but even you have to admit that having a tooth pulled would be more fun than this," Miguel replied.

"Still, we're supposed to be the best crew working on the best vessel in the entire fleet.  Can we at least try a little decorum?" Ford told them.

"Good grief," Lucas mumbled and rolled his eyes.

"And you," Ford said to Lucas, "are the Captain's son.  I'm sure you wouldn't want to do anything to embarrass him tonight."

Lucas sighed and sat back in his chair trying to make himself comfortable.  He tugged at his tie and then pulled off his jacket.  He draped it over the back of his chair, not really caring if they had a coat check or not.

The speaker continued to talk at the podium, praising the achievements of the UEO and basically spewing a lot of self righteous hoopla that was full of half truths and exaggerations, the typical political spin.

"God this guy is full of hot air," Lucas grumbled.  "Is he ever going to shut up?"  He spoke a little louder than he should have and several heads at the next table turn to glare at him.  He shrugged his shoulders and slouched a little more in his seat.

Ben saw how glum Lucas was.  The night was turning out to be truly pathetic.  He figured as Morale Officer it was his duty to liven things up a little bit.

The speaker finished speaking and finally waiters and waitresses started bringing out the dinner and setting the plates on the tables.  Their table was on the opposite side so they were going to have to wait for their meals.

"Excuse me," Katie said and stood up to go to the ladies room.  Ford also stood up to leave the table to go to the rest room.  

Ben saw his moment of opportunity.  With Katie also gone there wouldn't be anyone to stop him.  Ben stood up as if to stretch his legs and then walked around to the other side of the table.  Luckily for him the Commander was drinking a rum and coke.  The dark pop would hide his little prank until it was too late.  He casually stepped up to Tim and spoke to him casually, asking him about any plans he might have for tomorrow night and if he was interested in going out and seeing the town, that maybe they all could go.

Tim answered a noncommittal maybe, and never even noticed when Ben dropped a little black tablet into the Commander's drink.  Then he walked around the table and had a seat once more next to Lucas.

"What did you do?" Lucas asked.

"What do you mean?  I was talking to Tim," Ben replied.

"Ben, I saw you.  What did you put in the Commander's drink?"

"Don't worry, it isn't a drug or anything, I swear.  It's just a little surprise."

"Ben, Dad said no pranks," Lucas warned.

"So when has that stopped us before?" Ben said with a smirk.

Lucas seemed to think that over for a minute and then smiled.  "Good point."

Katie and Jonathon both returned to the table and had a seat once more.  The waiters finally brought them their platters of food.  

Lucas started to inspect the food in front of him.  It looked pretty good.  Shrimp cocktail, fresh vegetables, broiled salmon filets on a bed of rice, and assorted rolls with butter was set before each of them.  He would have preferred a cheeseburger, but he could live with this.

"At least the food is good," Ben announced.

Everyone began to eat their meals in silence.  Lucas wished he had slipped his headphones in so he could at least listen to some music.  They had some type of elevator music coming in through the speakers and a slide show was showing for anyone who happened to want to watch it during dinner.  Lucas couldn't believe how lame a UEO Summit could be.

"So kid, what do you think of all of this?" Ben asked.

"I totally understand why Das hates these things.  This is positively mind numbing," Lucas complained.

"Just be glad you're not sitting at your Dad's table.  He's having to pretend that he actually likes this." Ben said.

Lucas turned around to get a look at his Dad and actually felt sorry for the man.  He was sitting there pretending to be interested in what ever it was that the Russian General was talking about.  Mom looked to be about as bored as Lucas was.

Lucas turned back to his dinner and continued eating.

"Hey Lucas," Ben said.

Lucas looked up to see Ben sitting there with carrot sticks sticking out of his ears.

"Ben what are you doing?" Lucas gasped.

"I figured it was time to liven things up a bit," Ben replied with a smirk.

"By putting carrots in your ears!"

"Ben, stop that," Katie said.

"Why?  Do you really think anyone in this boring place would actually notice?  They're all to busy trying to shove their noses up someone's ass who can actually do them a favor.  Besides, I'm just having a little fun."

"Ben you look ridiculous," Miguel said.  

"Yeah, well I have carrots in my ears, what's your excuse?" Ben said.

Lucas actually choked on his drink and had to fight to not spit the pop in his mouth out.

"That's not funny," Miguel said and threw a roll at Ben's head.

Ben ducked and the rolled sailed past him and hit a man sitting at the next table in the back.  Miguel and Ben quickly tried to look innocent as the man turned around to stare daggers at them.  Lucas had his hand over his mouth trying to hide the fact that he was laughing.

"Are you two out of your minds?" Jonathon demanded.  "Cut that out before you embarrass us all.  Ben take those damn carrots out of you ears."

"Commander you really need to lighten up," Ben said.  "Really, all that stress can't be good for you.  You're going to have a heart attack if you don't learn how to chill out."

Now it was Tim and Miguel who started to laugh, but quickly stopped when Ford turned to stare at them.

"Ben about the only thing that would give me a heart attack is you," Ford insisted.  Jonathon picked up his drink and downed half of it.  Then he put the glass down and continued to speak.  "Honestly Ben, do you always have to act like a clown."

Everyone at the table just stared wide eyed at the Commander.  

"What now?" Jonathon asked.  He was completely unaware of the fact that his teeth and mouth were currently dyed blue, and no one at the table was going to speak up and tell him.  He was going to lose it when he found out.  Still, everyone couldn't help but crack a smile.  Seeing the uptight Commander with blue teeth was just too much.  Miguel was the first one to crack up.  He started to laugh and once he got going he couldn't stop.  Miguel's hysteria got Lucas and Tim going, and soon the whole table was in stitches.

"What is so funny?" Ford demanded.  His anger just added to the situation and caused everyone to laugh even more.  

"Ben what did you do to him?" Tim said between outbursts.

"Me?  Who said I did anything?" Ben tried to act shocked at the accusation.

"Who else would dye his teeth blue?" Miguel laughed.

"What!?!?!" Jonathon said.  He picked up a spoon and smiled in to it.  He looked panic stricken at the sight of him.

"Ben, I'm going to kill you," Jonathon said.

"Sir, you have no proof that I did anything," Ben defended.

"Ben get serious," Miguel said, and threw another dinner roll at him.  This time the roll hit Ben in the head, bounced off and then hit Lucas.

"Hey!" Lucas said.  He picked up a dinner roll and threw it at Miguel, bouncing it off his forehead.

"Hey, you little pip squeak!" Miguel joked. This time he picked up celery sticks and threw them at Lucas.  They hit Lucas in the chest and rolled into his lap.  Lucas picked them up and stuck them up his nose so that they hung down over his mouth.

"Oh gross," Katie laughed.

"Gentlemen I would like to introduce you to the finest crew in the UEO," Secretary Noyce announced.

Everyone at the table looked up to see Secretary Noyce, Captain Bridger, General Thomas, and the Russian and the Chinese Generals standing there staring at them.  What a sight they had to see.  Ben still had carrot  sticks in his ears, Lucas had celery sticking out of his nose, Miguel was in mid pitch, ready to send another dinner roll flying, and Tim and Katie had a case of the giggles that they simply couldn't get under control.

Nathan took in the sight of his senior officers and stared to absolute shock.  He watched as everyone quickly removed food from their body parts and tried to look like respectable officers once more.  

Everyone at the table could see the Captain's blood beginning to boil.

"Is everything okay here?" Nathan asked sternly.

"Yes sir," Commander Ford replied.  "We're having a very pleasant evening," he said with a smile, not realizing that he was showing off his royal blue teeth and gums.

Nathan's eyes opened wide and then his head snapped up to look at Ben and Lucas.  Lucas recognized the look on his Dad's face.  It was the one he always got just before telling Lucas he was going to spend the next week scrubbing toilets.

"I didn't do it," Lucas blurted out.  "I swear.  I had nothing to do with it."

Nathan closed his eyes and held up his hands, indicating that he didn't even want to hear it.  "Commander, you may want to go to the wash room.  You seem to have a little something in your teeth."

"Aye sir," Ford said and excused himself.

"As for the rest of you, we'll all talk in the morning," he said in his no nonsense tone of voice.

"Aye sir," everyone at the table chimed.

Nathan turned to leave and saw that the Russian and Chinese Generals were near hysterics.  Even Bill and Frank were grinning ear to ear.  Nathan just sighed.  The finest crew in the UEO was going to hear an earful in the morning.


End file.
